13 November, 2014

Separation lack of anxiety.

There are things I've meant to blog about (like Madam's most epic party) and haven't gotten around to posting yet.  They're going to have to wait.

It doesn't happen very often, but sometimes I'm reminded of how much I changed the game by moving five thousand miles away from my family.  I still refer to Texas as home sometimes, like "we're going home for Christmas".  Thing is, I don't really mean it.  Yes, there are people in the states that I care about.  Yes, that's where I spent the first twenty-three years of my life, and I've maintained a few friendships from that time.  It just seems foreign and far away at times.

My life has had such a drastic shift in focus in the eleven years since the move.  Some changes I could have predicted.  Some have been way out of left field.  Relationships have evolved, imploded, matured or stagnated on a case by case basis.  On the whole, I'm happier for it.

I've had to physically take myself by the scruff of the neck lately.  My "no drama" policy has been pretty easy to maintain, on the whole.  The internet makes it hard not to get involved on occasion.  More than once I've started typing a comment or retort, thought "do I want to deal with the fallout on this?" and backspaced right back out of it.

What I have to remind myself is that the people who matter are the ones that give and take in equal proportions, people who are positive influences on my mindset and my way of life.  The people who get in touch more often than just when they want something.  If I have to chase you to keep our relationship afloat, it's just not going to work out.  I don't have the time, the energy, or the will to do so.  The people who love me make it known, and I hope I do the same for the people I love.  That's what I choose to focus on.  I want to be the healthy and happy version of me.  I think I'm on my way there.

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